I looked in the toilet today
My breakfast stared right back at me
I'd lost some major chunks
I think I'm , I'm gonna toss
I think I'm gonna toss!

Oooh, it seems like only late last night
I was sitting and eating spam-and-cheese on white
Grape tamales, and grits so jolly
But now I'm all so blotto
All I feel is vertigo!

I get up out of bed
Digested food rising to my head
I dive in just in time
To share last night's pork rinds!
Go wild!

Once I loved raw hamburger
Mixed with eggs and a touch of tobasco!
Once I would inhale molasses
If they were stirred with rabbit droppings
But then chunks would fly
And I'd have to decide
If I wanted to use it for ice cream toppings
No more passersby gawking!

My chow time's woefully bad
Glancing at the porcelain throne just makes me sad!
But just as I think my life's a wreck
I eye the eggnog and the Chex!
Yeah!