Well, you can buy this crap
It's cheap and it won't work when you want it.
Smokeless Ashtrays and Pocket Fishermen galore
We've got diamelles
On cheap 14-karet pinky rings
They'll turn your fingers green
If you wear them too long.

You tune in to watch the crap that we are selling
When you buy stuff our bankbook keeps swelling
What you really bought, well we're not telling.
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.

Why are we rich? Because you're dumb
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
Why do you watch us? You have no life, so
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.

Crates of Ginsu knives
Brought over with the Bamboo Steamers
Imported from Taiwan, from a guy named Egg Fu Yung
We got Slim Whitman tapes
Of him doing songs from Guns n Roses
And Boxcar Willie doing disco's greatest hits.

You pay for all the cool stuff we keep on buying.
We eat caviar while your food is frying
We will laugh at you while you keep on crying.
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.

What do we love? The impulse buy
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
Are we remorseful? Not on your life!
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
Our favorite words? Charge it please.
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
Why do you listen?

Jack, relax.
Just sit there with your snacks.
Don't strain your backs or put on slacks
Just sit ther and smoke cigarettes in packs.
Face the facts.
You brain is extremely lax.
Add correct sales tax, you dig.
Don't drive around
Looking for that blonde-headed wig.
No action or reaction
Don't get put in traction
Or you'll lose interaction
With our superstar attraction
Mr. Max
You better run, phone boy.
We got some jerk all the way from Nome, boy.

What a spiel
To sell a deal.
When the phones are hot
Buy our stock.
Credit cards,
Going into hock
Bank is folding
When the money's gone
Don't go scolding
Whether platinum or golden
It's as good as gold
That's cold.
Fake diamond stones
Machines to make real waffle cones
So get out there and dial
And jam the phones.
Get busy.

Jam the phones.

Why are we here? To make cash
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
Why does it happen? 'Cause you're stupid
Jam the phones. Jam the phones.
REPEAT AD NAUSEUM