Though your luncheon meat is satisfyingly sweet
Don't be fooled by those childish luncheon treats
When you're shopping, look for 4 letters small and yellow
They signify the pseudo-meat that will make your gizzard bellow!

Spamthem of the heart(burn), Spamthem of the mind
It's best on burnt toast, with fresh pork rinds
Yes, in college we marveled at those who took
Big hunks of Spam and cooked it!

Live for your Spam, this pork product is more enigmatic than briskit!
But rational minds and hungry stomachs would rather go hungry than risk it!

Spam sits on my hearth and taunts me all the time
I'd rather eat dirt than Spam and limes
Yes I marvel at those who take the Spam can
And take their own life into their hands!
Their hands!

Well I know they've always sold you
Spam with jubilation
But have you ever stopped to wonder
Why those cans have no date of expiration?

Spamthem of the lardy Spam -- you all, beware!
It could be the latest development in chemical warfare
Yes, I marvel at those who buy
Cartloads of Spam and don't die!
Don't die!